Year 2 of Forever: A new beginning.

It’s our 2nd wedding anniversary and I’m thinking I probably shouldn’t have tasked myself to write a post every anniversary because this year, I’m not sure what to say.

I watched a lot of Disney movies as a child. Almost everyone of them ended up with the characters falling in love, getting married and living happily ever after. Subconsciously, that taught me that marriage was a finish line. It was the perfect ending to every love story.

In the waiting, there was Jesus

Infertility...it hurts even typing it. Mahn, dealing with infertility is unexplainable unless you have gone through it or are going through it. The countless Doctor's appointments...the hope every ovulation...the hopelessness after every negative pregnancy test...the feeling of grief after an ectopic pregnancy...the desire for the world  to stop for you to mourn....the heavy tears on mother's day in church...the fear that you will never be enough for your husband...the hopelessness on the Doctor's face when he tells you not to even bother with IVF.

Talk Thirty To Me…

I have been looking forward to my 30th birthday since I turned 25. At 25, my life had just turned upside down and I thought I’d have it all figured out by 30. So I have been patiently waiting for this day for 5 years now.

Guess what? It’s here and I don’t have it all figured out and it’s taken me 5 years to realise that it’s totally fine (and normal) to not have it all figured out. I’m not waiting for 35 or 40 or 50 to enjoy the life I have now. 

I have a few things figured out though:

To the Immigrant in all of us...

It’s been 2.5 years since I packed up my bags from a life I loved to move to Canada. I remember getting lots of advice when I was moving out here, but one has stuck with me more than others.

 “Canada is going to try to tell you who you are…who you should be…or that who you were before did not matter. No matter what happens, don’t listen to it. Don’t forget who you are.”

Gbas - We Learn. Gbos - We Unlearn.

When I wrote about my anniversary a few weeks ago, I wrote about how the first year was blissful and I didn’t understand why people say it is the hardest year.

Well, quick update – the arguments in the last few weeks are more than what was had in the preceding one year. We have been giving each other gbas gbos* LOL.

TO THE WAVES

Recently, I was talking to a friend about how I wanted to quit Instagram because it did nothing for my soul anymore. I talked about how blogging was always therapeutic until now. 

My friend said to me; “even when you love something, you do not feel the same way about it all the time”.

Year 1 of Forever: The 1st Year of Marriage

It was our 1-year anniversary a couple of days ago and we started this tradition of getting all dressed up and taking fancy pictures every year because the collection will look bomb at Year 50.

Anyways, back to the anniversary. People say the first year is the hardest and I really hope so because

Repeat Offender

 

How many times can you wear one pants? The answer is as many times as you like especially when they cost CAD$166. I bought this Imad Eduso Pants right before my holiday to Tulum and wore it to a New Year's Eve Rooftop Dinner with my husband. You can watch a reel of it Here and see the couples shot Here.

The (Hidden) Curse of Sisterhood

 

LIFESTYLE:

Growing up with a sister who you look like and is a year apart is like someone signing you up for a pageant.

We received unsolicited comparisons well into our early 20s. People would walk up to us to tell us who they thought was finer. Aunties and Uncles told us who was well-mannered and who wasn’t. Who is smarter? Who is more successful? Who is hotter? Who is a better dancer? Who is a better Christian? It goes on and on.

But one thing my sister and I did, was never thought one of us was better than the other. Unsolicited comparisons was just noise. We were, still are, our greatest cheerleaders!

I’ve come to learn that:

Aren't we multidimensional?

 

LIFESTYLE: 

Whenever I mention wanting a baby, people with children always tell me to relax, that it’ll happen, enjoy your marriage etc.

And it makes me wonder why those two things are mutually exclusive. Why can’t I enjoy my marriage and want a baby at the same time? Why can’t I relax and desire at the same time?

I'm doing the "YouTube" Thing || TOMILOLA VANNA

So, I caved and decided to re-start YouTube. I know. I know. Everyone's doing it. It's so cliche now. But you know what, everyday eggs hatch all over the world to produce new birds who will find space in the sky to fly. I don't think a bird is gonna be like "everyone's doing the flying thing, so I'm not gonna". Birds are gonna do what birds do, which is "fly baby, fly".

Now, I am not a bird (at least I don't think so), but I am an over-sharer and YouTube is for sharing, right? So it's in my lane. Over-sharing brought all you wonderful people in my life and over-sharing heals the broken parts in my life, so this is normal for me.

Toxic? Non-Toxic? I've been both.

I’m currently reading a YouVersion plan with my boyfriend that is taking us through the book of Mark in the Bible. [Keep reading even if you’re not religious – I’m going somewhere]. Anyways, we get to a few verses where Jesus is eating with tax collectors (aka bad bad sinners) and the Pharisees (teachers of the law) were not having it. They were not too excited about the prospects of sinners chilling with Jesus. Quite frankly, they were very toxic folks.

 

Part of reading a plan together means we get to discuss what we’ve read and what that means for us, individually. Now, as a “church girl”, I have read that chapter too many times and I have always criticized the Pharisees, but never acknowledged that I have been one. So, when my boyfriend said to me “you know, I’ve been both the Pharisee and a Tax Collector at different times in my life”, I was taken aback. But, it made me look within myself and admit same.

Lessons From New Love...

Let me warn you, I have no idea what direction this blog is going to take. I’m just writing whatever I want. I think that’s the beauty of growing into yourself. You realize that while it’s nice to get the approval of people, you don’t need it. Okay, back to the topic at hand.

I’m in love again. Yeap, you just read that. I’m in love again with a man (gentle reminder that I am still straight). Anyways, being in love after a long time of enjoying your single life can be such a weird space to be. Now, we are not going into the specifics of my new relationship because it’s not as juicy as you might think it is. We are just two people who laugh at and with each other.

Right, so a few years ago, I wrote about Lessons from a broken engagement. If you missed it, you can read it here. Well, I’ve been learning some lessons from new love and thought I’d share five of those lessons in this post.

You’ll have to surrender control

One of the best things about being single for a while is that you become incredibly selfish with your time and energy. It’s all about you…your feelings…your thoughts…your time. You don’t need to think about anyone else when making decisions. However, that doesn’t work much in relationships. You’re going to relearn the act of selflessness. Now, selflessness with your time and maybe money here and there – (emphasis on here and there o, don’t go lavishing on your partner anyhow o). Selfless, especially with your short-term plans (not long-term plans). That takes a lot of relearning if you were happy single.

Making a blogger's comeback?

Hi there,

I’m just going to assume I’m talking to myself now because it’s been almost two years since I posted and if we are being honest, four years since I was consistent at this. Right, what has happened since October 30, 2018? Well, lots (not really), let’s get into it.

The year is 2020 and there’s a PANDEMIC. Yeap, a highly infectious virus called “Coronavirus/COVID” is rampaging the whole world. This means the most fun anyone can have this year is to stay alive. I’m still alive hence this blog post.  We now greet each other with phrases like “Stay healthy”; “Stay safe” and “Stay masked”.

LESSONS FROM A BROKEN ENGAGEMENT

It’s been about two years since I made the scary decision to call off my engagement. It was tough and I really didn’t think that I was going to ever get to a ‘happy’ place again but I did. So, I thought why not share 5 things I learnt from a broken engagement. I think these lessons are relatable even if yours was just a broken relationship or even if you are in a happy relationship.

The 26th Chapter!

I turn 26 today! WooHoo!

My birthdays are a time of reflection. I didn’t really have significant birthday parties growing up. There was my 1^st birthday which I don’t remember, but there’s a picture of me with a knife and a cake, plus my mom said there was a party, so I believe her. Then there was my 10^th birthday which was spent at the beach with family. That one, I remember quite vividly. It was fun at the time. There wasn’t much of anything again till my 24^th birthday. That one was so significant. I got engaged to the then ‘love of my life’ and ate lobster at the same time (lobster is absolutely disgusting by the way). That was a good day. My ring was the most beautiful rose gold ring and I wasn’t sure anything could top that.

Friendly Competitions

I attended games’ night the other day and I was hell’a competitive! Some of my friends were a bit taken aback because I’m usually so chilled (unless someone is trying to pull a fast one on me at work and I’m not having that). In my group of friends, I’m the designated “hypeman”. I’m always telling everyone how bomb they’re looking, so it came as a surprise to some that I was sabotaging a competitor on games’ night. Lol. I mean, I would like to think I’m the “Taboo Queen”.

Review: PAINT AND SIP!

I’m constantly always looking for fun things to do in Lagos...things that don’t break the bank and generally don’t involve anything that hurts my spirit. So when I stumbled on a Sip and Paint event on Instagram, I was proper interested. I signed up for it and got one of my best friends to join me.

The event is organized by @artsplashstudio and hosted at La Taverna. First of all, I love the location (the downside being parking isn’t so great). It’s chilled enough to have an intimate dinner or to have a paint party where you can be a bit loud and annoying lol

SINGLE PRINGLE

When I decided to resume blogging, I promised myself not to lose sight of why I started blogging which is to be honest with the world…or just with myself at the very least. So, I decided it’s half time to talk about my journey as a single woman. I find that this is something people shy away from in Nigeria because it connotes some sort of desperation especially when coming from a woman and that really shouldn’t be the case. I’ve been single for over a year now and it’s been quite a learning experience; because prior to my "single days", I was engaged. Yes, engaged! (but that is a story for another day).

BLACK MAGIC

 This is such a crazy story and some of you might not believe it, but I know I have to share it. I have ulcers so I rarely fast (judge not please). However, I was led by the Holy Spirit to go on a 5 days fast this week so I went for it. I received sad news over the weekend and the fast was actually making me super excited again, so I thought that’s why God wanted me to fast. Let’s stop here for a second.