Monday 15 May 2023

In the waiting, there was Jesus hurts even typing it. Mahn, dealing with infertility is unexplainable unless you have gone through it or are going through it. The countless Doctor's appointments...the hope every ovulation...the hopelessness after every negative pregnancy test...the feeling of grief after an ectopic pregnancy...the desire for the world  to stop for you to mourn....the heavy tears on mother's day in church...the fear that you will never be enough for your husband...the hopelessness on the Doctor's face when he tells you not to even bother with IVF.

Sometimes, people on the apps, who have been posting frequently, go on to make an announcement of struggles they’ve overcome with words like - you never know what goes on behind the scenes.

I am not one of those people. I cannot post frequently when I’m in pain or mourning. I crumble. I curl up in bed. I cry a lot. I question God. I want to hide away forever. I go to bed crying and wake up with swollen eyes, then I pray. Sometimes, I don’t have the words so I cry to Jesus believing He makes sense of my tears. Then I call my mother and she comforts me and prays for me in Yoruba. Then I call my sister and we laugh and cry together. Then I go to bed and do it all over again.

As a Christian, I am learning that God is with me in the the the sadness and even in the doubt. I am learning to hold on to God's report, not the Doctors' report. I am learning to ignore the Doctors when they say I'm running out of time because I serve the author of time and no one can determine how much time I have left, but Jesus. Most recently, I've learnt that I am not any less of a Christian because I cry. Jesus cried, so I get to cry too, if I want. 


Zara Blazer || Zara Pants || Versace Sunnies || Amazon Bag || Amazon Necklace 

Photographed by my husband.

Love & Light,

2 yorum:

  1. Hugs. hoping testimonies flow for you and yours.

  2. You are looking gorgeous in this outfits.


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