Toxic? Non-Toxic? I've been both.

I’m currently reading a YouVersion plan with my boyfriend that is taking us through the book of Mark in the Bible. [Keep reading even if you’re not religious – I’m going somewhere]. Anyways, we get to a few verses where Jesus is eating with tax collectors (aka bad bad sinners) and the Pharisees (teachers of the law) were not having it. They were not too excited about the prospects of sinners chilling with Jesus. Quite frankly, they were very toxic folks.

 

Part of reading a plan together means we get to discuss what we’ve read and what that means for us, individually. Now, as a “church girl”, I have read that chapter too many times and I have always criticized the Pharisees, but never acknowledged that I have been one. So, when my boyfriend said to me “you know, I’ve been both the Pharisee and a Tax Collector at different times in my life”, I was taken aback. But, it made me look within myself and admit same.

H2H: MY PORN ADDICTION

The first time I watched porn, I was with a couple of my ex-girlfriends. They said they were going to rent a movie. They didn’t come back for hours, so I slept off while waiting for them because I am the nap queen. The next morning, I asked what movie they rented; they replied and said the CD was in my laptop and I should just press play. It had no name and certainly no plot. At first, I was like “what’s going on here?” “ewwwww” “gross”; and later i was like “oooh, this is interesting”. And that’s how I got hooked for about 5 years. I started with a couple videos every once in a while, to relieve the exam stress and I graduated to about a 100 videos a day. And honestly, I didn’t see it as a big deal. I mean, I wasn’t hurting anyone.

THE OLDER BROTHER

The story of the Prodigal son is one of my favourite Bible stories because I always relate to the younger brother. I read it after a hiatus with God and I'm ready to come back home. It makes me feel great knowing God just can't wait to get me into His arms no matter how long I've been away from Him

SWEET TALK

I once had a Lecturer who would tell every student that they were right when they made a suggestion. When they wrote the exam, they put those suggestions in the exam booklet and didn't do as well as they expected. He was a nice man and didn't want to offend anyone. 

H2H: The By-Stander Effect

I watch a lot of crime movies & series. Even though I studied corporate law, there's something that draws me to criminal law. Sometime in the week, I was watching Law & Order. The scene was at a Campus and a live feed was showing around the campus. It was a video of a girl being raped. Everyone watched the horrific video but no one called the cops till the rapist finished the rape and the feed was disconnected. When the students were asked why they didn't call the cops, they each replied "I thought someone else would". This is called the "By-Stander Effect"; where nobody does anything because they think someone else will.

H2H: Your Pain is Valid

It's time to share how I struggled with depression over something so "flimsy". I say bits and bits here and there because to be honest, I struggle with how much of my personal life I put out there and where I come from, you do not admit that you were/are depressed. But from the influx of emails I have received lately, I've come to realise that more people are depressed than you think.

Short Story: The year was 2012. I was in a relationship where 1. I was unequally yoked and 2. I made him a 'god' in my life i.e. I was committing idolatry. So God told me I needed to end the relationship and I didn't want to. I even tried to negotiate my way round it for a couple of months but God's yay is yay and His nay is nay.  Every night, I asked God to end my life so it would be His choice and not mine. And every morning I woke up, I was very disappointed. The incident started in February and I didn't get back to "normal" until September and then in "December", God revealed to me why I went through  all I went through and how even in my pain, He was there even though I couldn't see him. Fast forward to 2015, I am very glad I went through that phase in my life because I experienced God like never before and I grew so much as a Christian. 

Why am I sharing this? To a lot of people, a broken heart is silly, especially in light of others’ pain. The world tells you to check your pain at the door if it's a broken heart. In perspective of other people's pain, you have no right to be sad about a mere breakup. But when you diminish your pain, fearing it insignificant; in the process, you belittle God’s care about your pain. Healing has been offered, but you'll walk away, thinking it is not worth God's trouble.

Your pain is as valid as anyone else's pain. It may be drastically different from the pain of others but it does not mean you're not allowed to feel it. You do not need anyone's permission to feel your ache and loss. Your pain is genuine and this valley you're in, it is real. You know what else is real, that when you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, God is right there with you. Even if your eyes are so blinded by tears that you cannot see Him, He is there.  (Psalms 23:4).

I am not saying wallow in your hurt forever because if you do, it means you haven't accepted the healing from Jesus that is so freely offered. Don't belittle your grief, but don't also belittle the only One that can help you with your grief and restore your broken heart.

"He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds - Psalms 147:3"

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Lots of love,

H2H: NO GREY AREAS

One of the questions I get asked a lot is how I can dress fashionably and not compromise my beliefs. I think any one who craves a relationship with God and is stylish would have struggled with balancing these two interests at some point in their lives. 

Oh Bananas || Oh Audrey

I have this really gross habit of not finishing my banana at a go. Like, I'll cut off some and put the rest in the fridge for another day. So a couple of days ago, I did the same thing, closed my fridge and went on about my business. Then I noticed

#IAMACHRISTIAN but I struggle with...

I knew it wasn't just me. I knew I could not be the only one who raised holy hands and sometimes use the F-Word when I was irritated. I needed to know I was not alone in loving God but struggling to please Him in every area of my life. So I spoke to a friend, she said she didn't use the F-Word. It wasn't her thing. Then she said

H2H: 14 THINGS I LEARNT IN 2014