This is perhaps the most
asked question in my DMs and I never really know how to answer the question.
Most times, I just ignore the message and the few times I do reply, I give a
random excuse and promise to resume blogging again. Honestly, it’s because I couldn’t
face the truth.
It started when I moved
back to Nigeria for law school – I had tunnel vision throughout that year as my
only concern was making it through law school. Then after law school, I went to
Cambridge for my Masters and I tried to keep up but I got crippling news that
wrecked me so I took another break. I moved back again to Nigeria and started
working full-time as a lawyer and boy oh boy, the transition from being a full
time student to becoming a working class woman was tough as hell. (Just to paint a picture, my monthly
allowance as a student was more than my monthly salary as a first year
associate). I could no longer afford the lifestyle I was used to (because my folks, bless them, believe once
you get a job – no more allowance for you). It was so depressing earning so
little and having to wake up super early, get stuck in traffic, queue for fuel
and occasionally watch people get robbed in traffic just to get to a job you
didn’t necessarily like. I didn’t have the time for blogging and quite frankly,
I didn’t make the time.
All this while I was in a
relationship where we both were taking turns to hurt each other but neither of
us wanted to let go. I felt like I had invested my “youth” into the
relationship and I wasn’t about to “give up” on him or us. The constant battle
to ensure the relationship worked was another full time job (and not in a good way). Then I started a business with all the
tenacity in the world. I was ready to be “Tomilola, the business woman” and
when that didn’t work, I felt like a
loser! Let’s not even talk about the weight gain from size 6 -10.
I felt like I was failing
in other areas of my life – my career, my spirituality, my finances…my
relationship. I felt like it was only a matter of time before I failed at blogging,
so I gave up on it before it could give up on me. So when people asked me why I
stopped blogging, I couldn’t be honest and say “I quit because I was scared
of failing”. Now, that I’m writing this, it feels silly to me, but
at the time, it was a real fear. I just completely blanked my blog so much so
that my former domain name - tomilolaescada.com expired and I wasn’t bothered
to renew it. Someone else purchased it and offered to sell it back to me for
over $1000 and I was like NO MA’M!!!
So there it is – I
stopped blogging simply because I chickened out and feared that I wasn’t good
enough and didn’t even want to try. I’d been so spoilt with “winning” at life
that I couldn’t handle little hiccups and the thought of failure. I forgot why
I started blogging. I forgot that it wasn’t just about being connected with you
guys, but it was about being transparent, intimate and honest about my
struggles and insecurities. So here’s me starting over…being naked and hoping I
won’t be judged…hoping you will join me again.
OUTFIT DETAILS
TwentySix Jacket | Zara
Pants | Asos cami | Nike Trainers
“Forgetting what is
behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on – Philippians 3:13/14”
Lots of love,
I'm so happy you're back !
ReplyDeleteWe all have those moments of fear but its so encouraging to see you pull through and press on
You're still one of my faves and I can't wait to read everything you'll be sharing!
Thanks so much Kunmi. I really appreciate it xx
DeletePhoenix!!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Tomi! Welcome back!! You're definitely going places. We all have such moments in life; no one's fully immuned - such moments actually make us stronger, better and wiser. It's really great reading from you again. Thanks for penning this down and for your openness (as always). Cheers to the amazing future!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words Joseph.
DeleteVery nicely written Tomi.
ReplyDeleteHey Tommie , way to go girl...I am here for the inspiration. Maybe someday I will also return to blogging my IT stuffs. Bless up sis
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Dayo and yes to blogging!!!
DeleteAwww welcome back love
ReplyDeleteThanks so much dear xx
DeleteKeep shinning Escada lomo ❤️
ReplyDeleteHaha! Thanks love xx
DeleteGreat Read ! Unexpected
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot Ire x
DeleteWelcome back. Life happens and you are moving forward with a great attitude.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Seun. Really appreciate it.
DeleteWell said Tomi, I hope we all summon the courage to face our fears instead of let them drown us.
ReplyDeleteGlad you're back!
Cant wait to see your next post!
Thanks Tele. I'm definitely still learning that!:)
DeleteYou look really good btw :)
ReplyDeleteYayy!! Thank you!!
DeleteTomi, you have no idea how this post has ignited something in me. I know what you’re talking about. I feel it. I may not be able to express the depth of what reading this post has started, but just be aware that you’re a vessel [I was so ready to allow my domain expire and not renew], but that won’t be happening.
ReplyDeleteI will renew it. I may not blog immediately, I will get there, but I’ll take the first step of renewing my subscription.
I pray strength over you, even as you’ve chosen to stand, and I know that your latter days will be greater, for the glory of the father. Amen
Amen Amen!! Thanks so much love. I am so glad that you are able to relate to this. Please don't stop blogging! Look forward to reading from you.
DeleteIt’s good to have you back Tomilola! 💖
ReplyDeleteThanks love. It's good to be back xx
DeleteSo glad to have you back. I fell like I have been in the same boat but mine is hiding from my friends and family while I go through struggling because I want to appear to have it all. Thank you for coming back. We are here, we see you. All heart. All in
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. xx
DeleteWelcome back Tomi! The just may fall seven times but he'd rise again. Welcome back!
ReplyDeleteAmen to that sis. Thanks so much.
Deletewelcome back TOMI........ Please dont go away again.
ReplyDeletehaha! I'm here for good by God's grace o
DeleteHello Tomi!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are back! I am glad you wrote this cause, I am also going through same phase in my life right now. It's really tough.. However, i'm glad to know you are okay. keep pushing and keep your head high! that's what i tell myself every time I fail or i'm falling...
WELCOME BACK TOMI!
Thank you so much. I hope you get through this tough time. Can't wait to read your testimony. xx
DeleteWow Tomilola! i am so glad you are back, i was one of the people that sent you DM about your absence from blogging. I am really glad you are back, the moment I read on your instagram page that you have a new blog post, i was really glad.
ReplyDeleteTomilola, I am really proud of you and you are an inspiration to us all. I also want you to know that your last blog post before your absence "Journey to the comfort zone" actually moved me to tears because it was like that post was talking to me. The funniest part about the day i read that post is I was really down and something told me "go read Tomilola's blog, there might be something there for you to calm you down", then i went to check out your blog and bam! there was that blog post. Thanks a lot Tomilola and please never ever ever back down, don't allow fear get the best of you. You are a really strong and intelligent lady and i am really proud of you. I am also looking forward to your next blog post. Shine on Dear!!!
Omg!! I'm legit moved to tears right now. Thank you so much. This means everything to me. Love you.
DeleteWelcome back.. What does Vanna mean?
ReplyDeleteIt means “a gift from God”. xx
DeleteWelcome back.. What does Vanna mean?
ReplyDeleteHi Tomi,
ReplyDeleteIt's good to see you back to blogging and it looks like you've put a lot of smile on your readers faces. I'm one of those people who creep around the blogs without making a comment lol. But to reiterate what everyone has said, I really like the content of your blog, particularly this post which shares your heart and serves as a reminder for why you do what you do and I think a lot of your readers resonate with the things you share because you really come through as transparent as you can about life and the struggles of being in your twenties just trying to figure out how to do life. I was once a blogger who struggled with how to share my new found faith and share my life authentically online, not even knowing if I had an audience or not, but sometimes it takes setting some time aside to re-evaluate things and step back into the scene with a refreshed purpose and mission for what you love to do. BTW I love the content you've shared after this post. it refreshing to just connect with someone about their real life as opposed to a bunch of PR.
Stay Encouraged!
-Toyosi
Thank you so much. It’s scary yet liberating to be so transparent, so thank you for reassuring me that the blog matters ‘cause often times I feel like it’s pointless to keep running it. Thank you!
Delete