Why I stopped Blogging...

This is perhaps the most asked question in my DMs and I never really know how to answer the question. Most times, I just ignore the message and the few times I do reply, I give a random excuse and promise to resume blogging again. Honestly, it’s because I couldn’t face the truth.

It started when I moved back to Nigeria for law school – I had tunnel vision throughout that year as my only concern was making it through law school. Then after law school, I went to Cambridge for my Masters and I tried to keep up but I got crippling news that wrecked me so I took another break. I moved back again to Nigeria and started working full-time as a lawyer and boy oh boy, the transition from being a full time student to becoming a working class woman was tough as hell. (Just to paint a picture, my monthly allowance as a student was more than my monthly salary as a first year associate). I could no longer afford the lifestyle I was used to (because my folks, bless them, believe once you get a job – no more allowance for you). It was so depressing earning so little and having to wake up super early, get stuck in traffic, queue for fuel and occasionally watch people get robbed in traffic just to get to a job you didn’t necessarily like. I didn’t have the time for blogging and quite frankly, I didn’t make the time.

All this while I was in a relationship where we both were taking turns to hurt each other but neither of us wanted to let go. I felt like I had invested my “youth” into the relationship and I wasn’t about to “give up” on him or us. The constant battle to ensure the relationship worked was another full time job (and not in a good way).  Then I started a business with all the tenacity in the world. I was ready to be “Tomilola, the business woman” and when that didn’t work, I felt like a loser! Let’s not even talk about the weight gain from size 6 -10.

I felt like I was failing in other areas of my life – my career, my spirituality, my finances…my relationship. I felt like it was only a matter of time before I failed at blogging, so I gave up on it before it could give up on me. So when people asked me why I stopped blogging, I couldn’t be honest and say “I quit because I was scared of failing”. Now, that I’m writing this, it feels silly to me, but at the time, it was a real fear. I just completely blanked my blog so much so that my former domain name - tomilolaescada.com expired and I wasn’t bothered to renew it. Someone else purchased it and offered to sell it back to me for over $1000 and I was like NO MA’M!!!

So there it is – I stopped blogging simply because I chickened out and feared that I wasn’t good enough and didn’t even want to try. I’d been so spoilt with “winning” at life that I couldn’t handle little hiccups and the thought of failure. I forgot why I started blogging. I forgot that it wasn’t just about being connected with you guys, but it was about being transparent, intimate and honest about my struggles and insecurities. So here’s me starting over…being naked and hoping I won’t be judged…hoping you will join me again.

OUTFIT DETAILS

TwentySix Jacket | Zara Pants | Asos cami | Nike Trainers

“Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on – Philippians 3:13/14”

Lots of love,